Ficcage: Kingdom Hearts with some Future Final Fantasy VIII
Rating: R for swearing and violent children
Pairing: None yet
Warning: Swearing, Cloud abuse, "Adrian" abuse, Zack abuse... abuse everywhere and there is Kairi if she scares you
Writers: (since there are now two sets) nikavia and xuxavier, who has never used her lj before except to use the storage for pictures... to use on other sites...
Present for tanoshi_ame. Based off another present for her, Spectrum, a one shot that she said she wanted to see an entire fic spawn from. So here it is... starting with a super long prologue.
Hope you like it. It is a bit serious but it needed to be... Humor will return very shortly as... well that is what we wanted... funny and then very very serious plot progression... but about 66.6% funny.
Prologue: Adrian 2/2
As far as
The two males looked about his age, the dark haired one maybe slightly older in appearance while the blond was slightly younger. They appeared to be fighting with wooden swords while randomly stopping to pose, dramatically, with the sun glistening off their non-existent muscles that were covered in very existent sweat.
The two girls were sitting a short distance away, looking over and giggling on occasion while they worked on their far too long flower chains. One of them, puberty was already being kind to, with ample cleavage that made it look like she was going to topple over any minute. The other looked like she had stepped out of a story book… She had a ribbon in her hair… A large one… A large PINK one.
“Hell no kiddo. Do it now then you can retreat.”
“Now can I retreat?”
“Retreat?” Oh he and the two other boys were not going to be friends he could tell already. Luckily everyone had decided to put on their shirts now. “What kind of man retreats?”
Cid was starting to snicker as
“Though an incredible jerk,” The blond decided to voice his input, the pitch in his voice placing him not as far along in puberty.
“Only when provoked,”
The sighing and giggles was almost worth it to watch the blond almost swallow his tongue upon hearing the swear word.
“Hi, my name is Tifa Lockhart,” said Formerly Miss-Puberty-Is-Awesome. She smiled at him brightly, moving to hold out her hand to shake. Miss-Distracting-Head-Accessory was not to be outdone and skipped up next to Tifa, also holding out her hand.
“Hello, my name is Aerith Gainsborough,” she said with a sweet smile. He looked at both of their hands for a moment. He turned to face both of them, stood up straight and gave them a polite bow before reaching out with both hands to awkwardly shake theirs.
“It is a pleasure to meet you,” He said with another fake smile. This caused another explosion of giggles and blushes.
At that moment something very fast and small hit him in the side, forcing him to adjust his stance, hands reaching out to grab what hit him. He found himself looking down at a girl who couldn’t be older than 9, with a gap tooth smile and large eyes.
“Hello! My name is Yuffie and I’m a Ninja!” she squealed excitedly.
“Hello Yuffie. You are a very good ninja, I didn’t notice you at all.” That comment made her happy enough to fling her arms around his neck in an awkward hug.
“You are going to be my wife,” Yuffie declared to him seriously when she pulled back. There was a snort of laughter from the male audience but
“Well sweetie I think you might have to be the wife,” he said with a placating smile.
“Nope! I’m a ninja, you are my wife.”
“Oh silly me I forgot all about my ninja history with the blow to the head. Of course I would be the wife. Though I must warn you, he thinks I am a jerk,”
“Don’t care. Cloudy is just jealous because I asked you to be my wife before he could ask you.” Birds cheeped innocently in the background.
The smirk returned to his face after a moment when ‘Cloudy’ roared (as best as his still sorta squeaky voice could).
“You attack me when I have a child in my arms and I will beat the shit out of you with your own arms,”
“You said a bad word,” Yuffie said in shock.
“Comes with being a jerk. Now you better not start swearing. Do as I say not as I do alright?”
“Boys, introduce yourselves to the competition,” Cid commanded gleefully.
“I do not know if I am worthy of being called competition in some area’s sir,”
“I’m Zack Fair,” the dark one said, standing so he stood a whole two inches about
“And I’m Cloud Strife. I’m sure you’ve seen the statue of the Keyblade Bearer? Before someone destroyed it. Well I’m the prime candidate for the position.” Ah… So he was the one that Ansem had previously bestowed the Great Honor on. The only redeeming part of that declaration is that Cloud Strife did not gloat during this announcement, merely included it in his introduction. Zack Fair appeared to have taken on the heavy gloating burden, crossing his arms over his chest and smiling cockily.
“Actually, I have not had the pleasure of viewing it, though I was told it was quite… sharp,”
“Well you’ve no doubt heard of Cloud,” Zack gestured to the blond
“Another thing I have no had the pleasure of… But I am positive you’ve heard of me. I may have seen this statue. Shortly before I slammed into it, melted it and caused it to explode. And… Xehanort told me I also got stabbed by it as well. It went with the multiple broken bones and severe internal bleeding.” He smiled as he waited for it to dawn on them.
“Wait,” Zack said after a moment, eyebrows furrowing. Cloud took a moment longer.
“I am the one who destroyed the statue. I am terribly sorry, and considering I do not know the exact circumstances, I am sure I didn’t mean to. But I am uncertain as the incident left me with something akin to source amnesia leaving me unable to remember anything about myself prior to awakening in the castle. You may call me Adrian, until such a time as I regain my memories and can tell you my real name.”
This was met with a stunned silence for a moment before each person had a very different reaction.
Aerith cooed at him, making “aw poor thing” noises, which for some reason made him even more disturbed then your average barely pubescent teenage boy.
Tifa gasped and made horrified “aw you poor thing” noises, which are different than Aerith’s, as they sounded… well… horrified rather than “must fix now”.
Zack seemed to be warring with himself, trying to decide if he was allowed to be impressed or not given that
Cloud… Cloud also seemed to be at war, torn between outrage and awe. Outrage appeared to be winning but awe was first, making the other boy cute rather than totally and utterly obnoxiously egotistical and cocky.
Yuffie responded by laughing and tugging on
“Amnesia. It means I can’t remember things before a few days ago, like my name or where I’m from.”
“Can you remember your birthday?” Yuffie appeared to be horrified by that particular scenario as
“No, I can’t,” He said quietly but Yuffie looked like she was going to cry for all of his non-remembered birthdays so he quickly continued. “But, I will remember soon. That’s what Ansem says.” He left out the ‘hopefully’ for her sake, though he had accepted permanent memory loss as a very real outcome.
Yuffie cheered up instantly at that and squirmed out of his arms. He set her down as she grasped his hand.
“Why don’t you brats show him around town? I bet Ansem had kept you locked up like a fairytale princess in there,” Cid suggested.
“… I am going to agree with your analysis if it means that I have not yet been out of the castle grounds,” Adrian said, not quite sure what to make of the ‘princess’ comment, but for some reason it made him want to snarl something rude and inappropriate.
Cid sighed. “Yeah yeah, means you’ve been all locked up. Didn’t have fairytales to go with your airships then?”
“Either I as in a fairytale so I cannot remember it or… no sir,”
“Why don’t we wait until you start rememberin’ before we worry about your magical powers. Show him around brats. I’m going elsewheres. See you tonight.” Cid gave a wave and walked off.
“But we have to go home and get ready for the party,” Aerith said (whined). Tifa made an abrupt decision and grabbed her two male companions by the collar and hauled them close.
“You two show him around and be nice.” The latter part of the command was snarled in a way that made
She then turned back to
“I have absolutely no idea. I do not plan my schedule. I think Xehanort does… Or maybe Braig. He seemed to enjoy playing pool against me and therefore likes to play me as often as possible…”
“Well Braig is going to be there so he may drag you along to play pool with him,” Aerith said with a smile.
“Then I may very well be there.”
“Good! See you tonight!” Tifa said, having captured Yuffie.
“Goodbye Wife!” Yuffie called as she was drug out of the courtyard.
“You going to behave?” Zack asked teasingly.
“I promise not to destroy any more statues or fountains or monuments unless they are just plain ugly,”
“What are you doing?” Cloud asked, sounding curious instead of mocking like
“I… honestly have no idea,”
Zack reached out and used his hand to move
“Well come on then Oh-Destroyer-Of-Monuments, let’s get some icecream and show you around before the girls remember that none of us know how to tie ties.”
“Actually… that may be one of the few things I remember how to do.”
“Yes!” Cloud cheered as he followed them out of the courtyard. “No girls strangling us!”
The trip down to the town didn’t take long. They walked through something resembling a canyon and then up some stairs until they reached the battlements.
“What’s that?” He pointed. Zack and Cloud paused and looked.
“Oh you mean the
“But we just came from the Castle…” He asked, confused.
“No no… There are two… well technically three castles here in
“But Xehanort said Ansem was the ruler of
“The King and Queen are more figure heads than anything. The last real ruler that was of royal blood was the King’s grandfather,” Cloud said with a shrug.
“And the third?”
“The third castle? It was destroyed. An old witch lived there.”
“Is it accessable?”
“Not really. It’s pretty dangerous apparently. Now come on. If we want to get ice cream we have to get there before it closes,” Zack turned and headed around the corner.
“Come on. You can stare at it when we go there tonight for the princess’ birthday.”
“What’s your flavor?” Zack asked distractedly as he pulled out some munny.
“I don’t remember.”
“I’m going to get some SeaSalt ice cream. It’s quite popular. You can try some of mine and see if you like it,” Zack said.
“Get me some too.” Cloud chimed in.
Zack relayed their orders, telling the cashier to wait so they could order their third ice cream as he offered his to
“Right, he’ll have vanilla.”
“Chocolate,” Oh something new learned. Chocolate=good thing.
Soon they all had ice cream and they spent their time wandering some of the streets, with Zack and Cloud pointing out random houses.
They finally made it to the courtyard, where in the center was all that remained of the fountain statue of the Keyblade Wielder. Next to the remains, which where surrounded by yellow tape, was a picture of what the statue looked like before.
“I have a question about this Keyblade thing,” He asked over his shoulder as he looked over the rubble. Oh look, some of my blood.
“What about it?” Cloud asked defensively, as if
“If it is called a Keyblade… emphasis on ‘Key’… shouldn’t it be shaped like a key?
“What are you talking about?”
“It looks like… Like a sword… a huge ass sword. And it has streamers attached to it.”
“That represents the light radiating from the Keyblade.”
“… And they probably really hurt when you slam into them. But… it… if it is a key, why doesn’t it look like a key. That’s just stupid.”
“Hey! No it isn’t! No one has seen the Keyblade in
“So they just made it up?... And another question, why is everyone so convinced that this Keyblade wielder is from here?”
“It’s not made up! And it’s going to be here because
“Just because you said something so ridiculously arrogant as to believe that of all the places it would appear here when it hasn’t even been seen here in 100 years, it’s already appeared to a 5 year old boy on a hick island that no one has heard of in the middle of nowhere. And he’s using it as a can opener.”
“That’s why it is my duty to be the strongest warrior. It’s my destiny.”
“How does the keyblade choose? How do you know it even really exists?”
“It chooses the strongest warrior. And the wielder has to want to use it for good. And some things you just have to believe in.”
“Do you really think something so powerful could be purely good?”
“Look, I don’t know what kind of messed up world you are from, but there is goodness here.”
“I don’t know either…”
“Hey! You can’t just,” for all their protests, Zack and Cloud climbed up after him.
“Okay. First of all, you shouldn’t be up here,” Zack said at his left. “And secondly, I don’t think even all three of us could move that if we wanted to.”
“Holy Kingdom Hearts,” Cloud breathed as
Pulling, he wretched it from the ground, a gleaming blade with a strange handle, with an engraving matching his necklace. He gripped the handle instinctively, testing its weight.
“What is it?” Zack asked.
“Mine,” Adrian answered.
“Hey… you should dance with me.” Tifa said, stepping in front of
“Aw come on. I bet you are a way better dancer than anyone else.”
“I may not remember anything but I have a distinct feeling I don’t dance.”
“Oh please, you would be a way better partner than Zack or Cloud.”
“No, I wouldn’t. Ask one of them. Otherwise I fear tomorrow will be another day of shirtless sword fighting and my mind can only endure so much sexual tension,” that earned him a blank look before one of slight confusion. “Don’t think too hard. Just go ask one of them… Please.” She took the hint and let him return to leaning against the wall, watching the people awkwardly.
He felt a tug on the hem of his suit jacket. Looking down he was met with big blue eyes and a tiny girl with… kind of a large head.
“Hello,” he greeted.
“I’m going to be queen and you are gunna be my king,” she ordered. Really what was with the girls of this place? Already looking to wed before they could speak properly.
“Well you’d have to be a princess for that,” he said gently.
“But I am a Princess Kairi. It’s my birthday and I get what I want.” Oh… so the shindig was in her honor.
“A Princess Kairi? What’s that?” She pouted at that.
“Oh well okay then. But I am Yuffie’s wife so I can’t be your king,” he tried to reason. Really did he have ‘Marry me’ stamped on his forehead or something.
“I don’t want a wife I want a king,” Kairi commanded again.
“Right… okay… You need to ask Yuffie.”
“I am a princess, I get whatever I want. And it is my birthday. I’m four.”
“Oh… we should wait until you are older then. So I don’t get in trouble.”
Kairi eyed him suspiciously, or as suspiciously as a child of four could. “I’m the princess. You can’t get in trouble unless I say so.”
“Right…” Bells started to ring through the hall, announcing dinner. “Oh thank Hyne.”
“You’re sitting next to me,” Kairi demanded, leaving no room for his protest.
Luck was on Adrian’s side (the first time that evening) however, and Adrian was not seated next to Kairi, Yuffie, Cloud, Aerith, Tifa, or anyone else who wanted to marry him. At least he thought so. He was seated between Ansem and Braig. Hyne he hoped neither one wanted to marry him… What was this Hyne he kept talking about?
Dinner was boring, mostly political chatter and polite ‘pass the strange colored food that made
After another particularly glowing and adventurous story about Cloud rescuing something something (
“I would like to propose an alternate theorem if I may Your Highness,” Ansem said, rising from his chair. Dread settled in
“That could not have been an enjoyable dinner for you,” Ienzo said as they walked towards the foyer.
“There are only so many adventurous tales of Cloud’s magnificence one can take,”
“That is true. They do love to praise their Keyblade candidate. As if it would be that simple.”
“What… There seems to be some kind of rule book. And I can’t… talk to people because I don’t know it… Could you tell me Ienzo? Tell me about the Keyblade and…. This Kingdom Hearts thing that everyone keeps using instead of much shorter cuss words?”
Ienzo stepped through the front doors and into the cold night air, sighing slightly. He gave
“In short, it is a myth, which means that if Ansem had not decided to introduce you, there would have been an argument over literal versus metaphorical. The myth revolves around four central ideas. The Keyblade, Kingdom Hearts, the Door to Light, and the Realm of Darkness. Kingdom Hearts used to be called the “Heart of all worlds”, a universal connecter between all places and people. It’s a nice idea, but it is more likely a fairy tale. The Keyblade is a mythical weapon, tied to hearts and… depending who you talk to, either has the power to unlock potential or unlock something a bit more physical. According to the myth, ‘Behind the Door to Light, lies the Realm of Darkness and in its center lies Kingdom Hearts’.”
“… You people are totally weird. Light=Darkness=heart, got it.”
“Yes it does sound a bit silly.”
“I mean it’s one thing to have your evil god tear himself in half to protect himself from the uprising people but you guys are totally insane,”
“Is there anything more?”
“No… I mean…. I just kind of said it. I can’t even figure out what I was talking about. But it’s about a deity…. So why wouldn’t I remember it?”
“Perhaps you were a holy knight or something… Now lets get you to bed before something crazy happens and you regain your memory and pass out. I am not strong enough to carry you back to the castle.
There was a man from the night before there, Cloud’s trainer he guessed. Zack and Cloud were sparring, both far too intense and focused, the tension affecting their forms.
He tried to push himself up on his good wrist but a foot landed hard on his back pinning him to the ground. He managed to twist to take a look at his surroundings. The trainer was watching with vague indifference, making
Hazing… Hazing was the verb that came to mind. Either that or just torture. Some back part of his mind that had kicked alive in the moment of pure panic was muttering about tribes forcing their warriors to show newcomers their place, beating them half to death, humiliating them.
The girls were looking horrified but were certainly not intervening, the betrayal bitter in his mouth. Acidic. And it made him see red.
He caught a glimpse of Cloud’s feet, making Zack the one on his back. From the glimpses of their play fights, Zack was faster, better at sword work but shit at hand to hand. Cloud was a hard hitter, better at hand to hand and couldn’t defend against someone faster with a weapon. Zack first, then Cloud. Almost without realizing he was doing it, his left hand grasped a large rock. He kicked out with his foot, catching Cloud in the ankle, forcing Zack to shift his weight as Cloud came toppling toward him.
Zack cried out again.
Cloud seemed to have come out of his daze and was lifting that ridiculously large wooden sword.
The trainer was running over.
“Guess we know who the Keyblade will choose now,”
Cloud’s wasn’t. It was slow. Painfully slow. But it almost made
And for one of
He pulled away, smoothly getting to his feet and turning on his heel, leaving the courtyard. Someone called “
“Don’t ever say that name again,” He roared, voice deepening in his anger. He resumed his trek away from them, needing to find Xehanort, find him now.
He almost kicked in the door to the laboratory. Braig opened it after he started pounding. He came in, covered in dirt and sweat, stomping over to Xehanort’s lab table. Xehanort looked him over and wisely bit back any words.
He took a deep breath and said it.“My name is Squall Leonhart. I am supposed to be 17 years old.”
And just for Humor after that very scary ending:
Meanwhile on a hick island no one has heard of in the middle of nowhere:
“Riku, did your father buy you that toy? Oh dear, he knows how I feel about you playing with sharp objects after what happened to you with Sora that one time.”
“But Mommy, it’s not sharp.”
“Honey… you were using it as a can opener when I came in.”
“I wanted pineapple and Daddy’s not home. And Mommy’s afraid of the can opener after that time Daddy cut off his finger with it!”
“… I’m not afraid of the can opener honey, I just don’t like it. Mommy’s not afraid of anything.”
“Mommy… there’s a bug skider in the breakfast boxes… I found it and I put it in the green box because Sora was going to come over and he always kills my roly-poly’s.”
“WHAT?! WHICH BOX?!”
“NO MOMMY, DON’T KILL MR. DUCKIES!”